Friday, May 8, 2009

There are days.....

when I seriously wonder about my life choices. I love being a mom and most days, I love being a nurse, particularly in pediatrics--but then I see people who just jet off here and there and everywhere without responsibility for anything and I feel like I'm just stuck here. I would love to do that, I would love to just go out to dinner with my husband without a child spilling something all over, I would love to get away for a weekend. But I can't do that. I have responsibilities. I remember growing up and although it wasn't stressed, all of us girls had "labels". Suzanne was the "pretty one", Tisha "Miss Personality" and then there was me. The "responsible one". Yeah, life hasn't changed much there for me. I can't change it--but sometimes I just want to different. Without a care. Is that bitterness? Perhaps. But it's honest.
Would I change my history if I could? No. Why? Because honestly truly I am happy. I have unconditional love from my husband and my children. And I can give unconditional love. Maybe that is what I should observe as the result of my life choices--I have the gift of unconditional love. And that isn't something everyone has. But, a tiny bit of me yearns to have that carefree who cares I do what I want life.


bella1021 said...

I hear ya... sadly I am learning that too :(

hugs... do you get to jet off to work today?! hehehe..

Mala said...

EVERYBODY needs a break sometimes! Even Moms. Or should I say, ESPECIALLY Moms. Taking time for yourself, kicking lose, enjoying something JUST FOR YOU doesn't equal irresponsibility. Sometimes getting away from it all allows you to return refreshed and gives you (and lets face it, them) a renewed sense of appreciation.
Sometimes you need to remember you're not just Janiece The Super Mom, or Janiece The Wonder Nurse, or Janiece The Uber-Wife.... You can remind yourself you're Janiece. Period.
Take it from a card-carrying "I'm taking a break" kind-of-Mom".