Monday, October 13, 2008

Whys and hows?

I'm not sure why I my thinking has turned into questions. Perhaps my ovaries are kicking back or maybe it's the multitude of sick children I've dealt with lately--both at work and home. Poor Rauan had the nasty flu bug (vomit and 103.4 temps) and now Julia is feverish. The big kid (Ted) is recovering from a nasty cold. Alihan--fingers crossed!

Why I mention this, when things finally slowed a bit at work last night, I showed off the wonderful family pictures we had taken. A coworker asked "how did you ever get your husband to go along with this?" It took me back for a minute because there really was no "going along with it" for Ted. He expressed apprehension before Julia's adoption--more so because he had never changed a diaper before--but the cleft issue was minor. He held faith in that the cleft could be corrected and her hand--well whatever. We would get that figured out.

Ted and I have always been opposites in so many ways. Our upbringings were very different--but similar in the most important ways. Family is first.

Ted grew up in a family filled with sports. My family--not so much. We spent our time at museums, parks, visiting family. Ted's--from what I gather--ice skating, hockey, football. Totally different. I grew up Catholic--catholic schools, church every Sunday, church activities during the week. It was the way it was. Ted went through RCIA in the early 90s, well into his 20s. I was a total geek in high school, worked through school (high school, college--both times!), and didn't really do the party circuit too much (if at all). Ted, on the other hand, sports guy in high school, sports in college, did the typical drinking, partying, girls and stumbling into class hungover. I'm glad I didn't know him then!

But then Ted grew up and so did I. Still different personalities. I'm a go to it person, Ted needs to be motivated. Well into my first nursing position, I met a nurse who was hilarious. Nightshift--you do what you have to stay awake. She talked me into meeting her brother--who was also younger then me I might add. I did and that was that. I called Chari the next day and told her I met the guy I was going to marry. Ted needed a little more convincing, but a year later we were engaged. 11 months after that we were married. Ten years later here we are.

I mention all of this because while there are differences--strong ones at that--I feel we embraces each others differences. Obviously I've become the armchair sports girl. With the checkbook. Ted and I mutually developed a love for the outdoors and the majority of our summers and weekends off are spent biking, hiking and just being outside. Ted's been to some of those museums I spent my childhood in. We've grown together. The other important thing to mention is both of us love children and family. Ted got tested pretty quickly after we met. My sister's children love Uncle Teddy to this day and Chari gave birth to Zachery soon after that fateful phone call. That Memorial Day weekend (1997) Ted got my "other family" approval. I have a picture of Ted laying on a bed face to face with Zachery. Zachery, in the middle of our wedding ceremony announce in church that he went poop! Ahhh, the memories! I also have precious photos of Julia and Zachery in a bathtub together and as Zachery got older, him dragging her around on a tractor ride. There are pictures also of my nieces and nephew(who joined us after we married) who spent weekends with us before and after we had the children. We now have a niece and nephew that are younger then our children. While Amelia is too young to tell us, Henry delights in saying he loves his cousins and they love him.

What I am saying is there was no convincing of my husband. He agreed adoption was the way to start our family. The decisions making involved the wheres and whats--domestic, international--once we found out about Julia, then can we do this special need and why the heck not? Once Julia was home, there was no going back to biological children or non cleft-affected children. If God wanted us to have biological children it would happen. We wanted children and a family. God gave us a means to be more then parents. God gave us the ability to be advocates for healthcare for cleft-affected children and internationally adopted special needs. God gave us the ability to be more then ourselves.

P.S. And Ted is the better parent. Together we are a great team.

P.S.S. And some photos of the darlings. Rauan was sacked out on the couch but Miss Julia posed in her skating outfit and Alihan showed off his shoulder pads, jersey and breezers--six years ago I would have no ideas what breezers were!


Mom to 2 Angels said...

Poor R, that flu bug is the worst. I hope he feels better soon!

Hilary Marquis said...

Oh No! Not the pukey bug...I feel your pain. I think Ted took about as much "convincing" as Tim did. Then they both did "delivery"! Not many men would do that that had to be suckered into adoption. These two guys don't do anything they don't WANT to do. We picked well, didn't we? :) You are a GREAT mom!