Monday, December 15, 2008

Adopt Author/US foster care system

I need to reply to adopt author. Yes, we did consider foster care--it was actually the first adoption area we considered. And to be perfectly blunt, it scared the shit out of us! After the first meeting for foster care, we drove home and said to each other , we're not adopting. We'll be the old couple who didn't have any children and just enjoy travelling and our dogs. We had never been parents (Ted had never changed a diaper even) and we did not feel capable of dealing with what was presented to us.
I would also like to mention to adopt author, I am pediatric nurse and some of what I've seen in the foster care system still scared the crap out of me. God bless those that do adopt/foster out of the US foster care system.
Adopt Author if you had read any of my previous postings you would note that while Julia was not what we originally expected (thought healthy and a boy), for our next two adoptions we sought out special needs children. And while you mention people state they did adopt internationally for less red tape or for younger children---we did neither. The red tape we dealt with was ridiculous--and we are a licensed foster family for the US--it's required for us, so we dealt with double the red tape and our children obviously weren't younger.
I understand why people want families to adopt from the US foster care system. Perhaps someday we will now that we are experienced parents. Perhaps not with 3 very busy children. I encourage people to look at all options and make the decision on their own. There ARE issues with international adoption, just as there ARE issues with the US foster care system. An educated choice is a wise choice. Our reasons for international adoption are complex and personal, but we felt it was the best choice for us. And yes, I have read many articles,including a few you mentioned. It was still the correct choice for us. A child in need is a child in need, despite their location. Our world is growing smaller every day and the US is made of many nationalities. As I put in my previous posting, I can't change the world, but I can change a child's life--1 child at time. And I have been blessed to be able to parent.


J-momma said...

i am not adoptauthor, but i did adopt from foster care, and plan to again. but i absolutely agree with you. i am a huge advocate for adoption from foster care. but adoption is adoption and every kid deserves a family, no matter where they are from. no adoption method is better than another. for me, international adoption was scary! the process was longer, way expensive, you didn't have much information about a child, there was more involved in the homestudy, you had to travel, passports, airfare, the list goes on. foster care seemed so much easier. it's all relative. while i am passionate about adopting from foster care, i strongly believe in international adoption as well. maybe one day we would adopt internationally, but for now, we're sticking with foster care. it works for us, just like your adoptions worked for you.

the thing that bothers me is when people jump on board international adoption because it's trendy. and they only want very young perfectly healthy babies that they dress up and tote around like some kind of fashion accessory. they don't do any research about possible issues with adoption or that parenting adopted children is different than bio. they are self-righteous and are adopting to feel important in the world or impress their friends. i also don't understand how some people go their whole lives without even a notice or care about poor people, orphans, or other countries, then they decide to adopt a child and now their life's purpose is for those causes. didn't they realize there was injustice long before they decided to adopt? sorry for the soap box. lol. hey, at least you considered foster care. most people run away screaming when they hear the words. my next blog post is going to be about the forgotten world of foster care. i feel like these kids are swept under the rug a lot because it makes people feel uncomfortable. at least with orphans from third world countries, there's a distance barrier. children are being mistreated daily in our own neighborhoods. people don't like to think about it.

janiece said...

Actually Adoptauthor is Mirah Riben. She frequently posts other adoption blogs under this title. Why she feels the need to hide is bryond me. I respect her opinion, but I also ask that she respects mine. Actually I feel flattered that I made it in the "big time" enough for her to comment!

Lisa said...

JP, you go!

AdoptAuthor must be oblivious to the idea that as long as adoption agencies are involved there is an element of corruption in both the foreign and domestic foster care adoption process. I have seen firsthand examples of fraud and deceit as agencies first try to meet their quota and then try to cover their ass. Good adoptive parents recognize that adoption is first and foremost a business for the agencies that facilitate it, do their OWN research and make their own decisions. Want me to blog about it JP? Remember you're the boss of me. I even said so!

You.GO. JP!

janiece said...

Lisa, you can blog about whatever you want. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. My only reguest is everyone is respectful of each other. You probably have more to say then anyone since you've hit all sides of the adoption issue!

Mala said...

Damn! My electricity is finally on and now I could probably power the town right now with just my blood pressure!
We too looked into foster care, in fact one of my best friends works for the state foster care system and she encouraged me strongly to go in that direction. God bless the folks who successfully adopt from the US Foster Care System, my hat's off to them! But I have 1,000 reasons why I couldn't do it. 1,000 reason why I chose FOR MY FAMILY to go a different route. 1,000 reasons why I don't have to justify it to anyone else. Look at my beautiful son who is niether a 'perfect little baby' or a trendy accessory and tell me I made such a horrible decision. I dare ya!
(breath, breath)
Sorry Janiece, I had to spit that out.

Tom said...

Once I began Invisible Kids, I couldn't put it down. This book grappled my heart and refused to let go till the last page was turned and I made the allegiance to do something. (